Here are my 2 new favorite online patterns. I'm not telling you what they are, though, because you need to see them to get the full effect.

I would like to change this one so it would be functional and there would be a baby inside. Hours of birthing enjoyment! Of course, the cervix would have to then be blue.

My friend Rachel recommends knitting this one for somone I hate who happens to have a small child. She didn't recomend anyone in specific, and of all the people I currently wish such horrendous things upon, none of them have small children. But I could do it out of a super-itchy yarn and then not only would their baby be ugly, but fussy as well. Bwha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!